The Gipsy old man

     Today, as I was sitting on a bench, I met a gipsy old man. Actually, he met me. He politely asked if he could have a seat next to me. For the first time in my life, I allowed such a person to join me on "my" bench. He didn't want to bother, he just wanted to rest his feet, I guess. He only sat down when I said it was OK. I was sitting in the shadow part of the bench, he sat in the sun. But he didn't complain about that, he was happy watching kids and that someone was there. He was, just like any other human being, looking for company, at least for a short while. 

     He would, soon, began talking to me. At first, about kids. How they are adorable while they're still young enough to love you as a parent. The next thing I learned was that he was abandoned and completely forgotten by his own kids. He was sad. He needed someone to talk to. So I let him follow that wish. On the contrary of what I would have expected, he didn't share the story of his life with me. He didn't tell me he had nothing to eat or nowhere to wash, maybe. However, as soon as I offered him some pretzels, he refused. I was amazed. So much common sense in a person I never imagined to be as such! I made him a second offer, but he turned that down as well. As I said, he wasn't there to bother or invade anyone's space.

     Then, he told me about cultural differences. Differences in regards to being human, differences concerning the ways of thinking, differences about speaking up and defending birth rights, in different countries he would have worked in, including his residence one.

      The last thing we discussed about was the quality of today's food. And level of living, generally. He was disappointed of what's going on.

         At some point, all of a sudden, he stood up and left.

     Why am I telling you this? Because today I managed to break a personal barrier, in regards to the concept of fearing gypsy people. I learned a new lesson. All this event made me understand - once again, under a new light - that people are people, regardless of their origin, skin color, race, religion; despite all prejudices, if they need to be listened to, doing so comforts their souls. Even if for a few minutes.

         Christina Aguilera - Change

         Love,

         A.

Changing the wind of change

      Change is a natural process in one's life. And is, often, associated to growth. Nevertheless, what do we do for personal change? How do we see the change? Do we have a training for it? Is there any book to teach us about change? These are questions we should objectively handle, for our own peace of mind.

      Scorpions - Wind Of Change

     I can think of 2 types of path turns: one that may come without a notice; and one that, on the contrary, we aim for. 

       Let's take these 2, one by one:

      a) Involuntary (the unknown) change. This is the most powerful-in-teaching kind of change. Being independent of our will, is also the hardest to face. We have no choice, no control over it. It just happens. That is, generally, a force we cannot resist. At first, we see this as the ultimate drama in our lives, as we do not fully understand its purpose; it's being pictured as the storm we cannot hide from. But you know what? This kind of change happens when we can't find the direction on our own; because we are too afraid to put a stop to that environment providing no happiness. So we are being taken somewhere else.

     For instance: I love my job, but - one day - my superior comes and tells me my services are no longer needed. I'm in shock, right? Because I don't see the good in all this. I know I did my job as well as I could, still I'm being kicked out. 

     Where can I see the full part of the glass? Well, I should inquire the decision, first of all. Then, if the answers I get from the outside don't match my convictions, try answering myself (listen to myself). So, consider all points of view, having the picture all clear. Objectively confronting all these, I may get to see that either that workplace was not for me, or the job didn't fit my will and I was too stubborn to see or admit that. In the end, once I get my answers, I can rest my head on my pillow that evening, without any regret.

    b) Voluntary change. Happens either because we've had enough of things going wrong, or we feel is time to guide ourselves to new horizons, taking a dramatic turn and evolve in a different direction than before, to step forward. Thus, we want to put some efforts in making change happen. So, we get the power of choice, our own will points to it. However, once we decide on the change, we need consistency. We can't give up on first attempt!

       Michael Jackson - Man in the mirror

      Following the same job-related example... I like my job, but I'm not completely satisfied with its outcome. I get frustrated more and more everyday, as I secretly desire to do something else; I have had a greater dream for too long. Till one day... When I wake up and say "I cannot do this any longer". And, on the opposite to the previous example, I resign. Maybe even without knowing what am I going to do next... But trusting I will do better further on. Because I have a brain, which I will get to put at work for my own use, for a matter I would definitely enjoy to the fullest. And I follow my heart! So I build a bridge between these two.

     Whichever the case, what's important to understand is that we need to accept the change. They say: "Change is a moment when all stars align in your favor/ when the universe is working for you/ when God knows what's best for you"... Regardless of the source we believe in or if we even believe in such thing, everything happens at the right time in our lives; exactly when we need it. What I have -  personally - experienced is that, no matter how hard we try resisting it, the involuntary change will always follow its path. It won't consider our opinions. On the other hand, if it's you that has the power to influence it, do it wisely. Consider the consequences, but don't be afraid.

      That being said, remember that change is always there for the good.  Greet it with your heart wide open and let it stay. No fear! Keep in mind that the unknown, in particular, has wonders floating around. We need to open our eyes and embrace them.

      Sigma ft Paloma Faith - Changing

      Love,

      A.

Beautiful feeling of selflessness

    Think for a moment: what does being selfless mean to you? How do you know if you are selfless? Does the fact that you, occasionally, treat a poor person with some change make you selfless? Someone, once, asked me: "Would you feed the homeless? Would you take them home and bathe them?" And then, the same person, answered: "No, you probably wouldn't". And I felt... Grief. I felt disarmed in front of such an answer. I had to admit that I probably would't. Though I wish I had such a golden heart to do it!

    Now I ask you: would you?

    Well, I may not have that golden heart I wish I did, but I understand there are so many other ways of being selfless. For instance, when you help someone to get over rough moments, you will feel beautiful. You will feel selfless. Because you offer someone something they would value forever - a shoulder to lean on. And in that instant you loose your ego. Because you only think of the other and how to help them the best. Now, comes another question, from the same person: "Are you doing this for them or for you?" Hmm, tough one! Can I answer "Both"? I'm still thinking about the answer, though this conversation happened some time ago now.

    Letting go... this is the most selfless gesture I can think of! Answer yourself sincerely: would you ever be happy next to an unhappy person? And bare this in mind: there's no such thing as loving for both. Your patience of not being corresponded has its finish line. And when you reach the flag, you face your frustration of expectations vs. reality. You can choose either to see and let go, skipping the hurtful stage. Or you can choose to go thru the disappointment stage and learn from it. Whatever the case, please understand that, in a let-go situation, no one is to blame. No one is better. We just value different things. We see life in a different manner.

    Another...  Thank truly. Do that and you will realize how good that makes you feel. This is selfless as well. Gratitude. Be grateful! There's so many things to say "Thanks" for. We could even play a little game. Let's do this everyday: let's think about the people we can thank to. How many people can you thank to? More important, what are the reasons to  thank them for? Is it something nice they told you or did for you? Is it a lesson that helped you grow? Think about it. And play it truly, no cheating. Don't thank to people you don't feel the need to. But to those you thank - do it fairly! No lieing to yourself.

    You may say... "How could I ever thank someone who brought suffering into my life?". Well... Think it this way: if there wasn't for that suffering, you wouldn't be here today, not the one you are today. Here, to the point you reached on your own two feet. Here, being stronger than ever. Where's the selflesness? Understanding. You and the others. We all hold this key. We need to learn how to use it.

    Last one I can think of at this time: avoid expectations. Do something without wishing for something in return. Give without the need of payback. This way, you will be selfless towards yourself. You will not allow damage reach you once your expectations are not being met. You will have a healthy mind. Hold on to that!

    Oh! And don't hate! Hatred is selfish!

    So, remember: be self-less to you and others!

    Love,

    A.

Decisions

   How hard can it be to make up your mind? Furthermore, how hard is it to respect your own decision, especially if this combats the will of others?

    There are times in life when making a decision, though you know it's for the best, seems to be the hardest thing you'll ever have to face. That's why is important to take your time when you need to make a life-changing decision. Never rush! Never take the step upon anger! You counterbalance all pros and cons, to get a real weight of all of them. Now, tell me, what weights heavier: good moments (that may have been plenty), or the bad times that, even if fewer, drag the scale below understanding? What about forgiveness? But wait, forgiving has nothing to do with a well-scaled decision. You can forgive someone, and still know you will be better off without them. As well as you can love and walk away...

    It may seem a paradox, but yes, even if you love, you can still walk away. Especially if it's toxic. And toxic relationships affect your peace of mind. Big time! Ending a likewise relationship (that you thrived to keep alive, but harms you - reveals the worst out of you) should be anything but wrong! People will judge you, 'cause that's what they do best. They will label, 'cause that's what they enjoy the most. More disappointing? Even your closest ones. ESPECIALLY them! Nevertheless, it's YOU that you should consider first! This is not selfish. This is mercy for your own self. If you think is good for you, then it is. And Remember: every end is a new beginning!

   Christina Aguilera - Soar

   OK, I'll admit there's a tiny part of regret. But is it really for you or for the other? Or for both?

   In fact, you pity the other for his human status. For the fact that you know they might be suffering. Even if you've been feeling the same along the way. However, be brave and think it through, objectively. Be strong enough to understand that their despair is not yours to carry, but theirs. Be compassionate enough to understand those moments they're facing. You've been there yourself. Don't be selfish, but don't put yourself down for making that decision. You need to be strong enough to keep it, because you realize it's for your own good.

    Now, what about the regret you feel for you? Is it because you are a bit afraid to face what's next, on our own? Because you see this as the greatest challenge of your life? If yes, think again. Moreover, think if you didn't feel this way while you were still in that relationship. Were you carrying everything on your own? Were you the one responsible with decisions? If so, let it be the same now. You have nothing to fear! It will be just the same, but in a more relaxed environment. So, go for it! Don't loose your way! Trust yourself! And... Everything is going to be alright!

    Christina Aguilera - Cruz

    Love,

    A.

A traveler's heart

    I don't know how many of you ever had the "I don't belong here" kind of feeling. If you ask me, I've always had that feeling and I still do. I know I should have been born somewhere else. Do something else with my life. Focus on art. Focus on helping people - not necessarily in the volunteering way, but in MY way.

    Once, someone really dear to my heart suggested me a great book (maybe one of the best I read so far). As I was reading it (mostly in the subway, on my way to everyday work), I so found myself in it.

    Long story short on the topic? A man who was never pleased with the teachings he was exposed to. Who was always looking for the answer of his life. He went from being a monk to a wealthy business man. Though, he abandoned that as well and turned into a ferry old man. That's when he understood that listening and watching the river would be the greatest teacher he would ever meet. And peace of mind is the greatest achievement one can touch. He died happy.

    I'm not sure watching and listening to the river would bring that happiness to me as well, but I know one thing for sure: one day I will give that exaggerated courage a chance (yes, "practice what you preach") and I will follow my most daring dream: travelling - experiencing that freedom the unknown reveals. Live my life the way I want. Meet new people, break boundaries and get rid of all those boxes people are so comfortable with.

    I know that nothing is wrapped in a silky velvet, nor milk and honey flow freely on the highway. But I give myself the freedom of guiding my life by a few ideas. One of them is the following saying (that comforts my sould till this day and always will):  "Experience is the best teacher".

    And one more thing: I want to be that "Go for it" kind of parent. And, If I reach my 80s, to be a "You cand do it" kind of grandma. I want my children to make their own mistakes, but never feel sorry if they achieved their dreams; and not to follow the masses (though this will be their decision to take, not mine). And I want my grandchildren to ask me for guidance. Guidance on how to get rid of the chains of society...

    Love,

    A.

Fear of the the unknown

   "Our minds will take us places where we've been before/ But our hearts will confront the unknown". 

    Neev Kennedy - The Unknown

    Fair enough? How many of us can truly admit if they are or not afraid of the unknown? But, now comes another question: why should we be afraid of the unknown? Because the unknown drives insecurity? Well, it may be - if we choose to belittle the beauty and limitless opportunities it may bring and magnify those thoughts of terror. See? It's all in our minds.

    Today, as I was watching some online streaming, I came across an amazing syntax: "Do not fear your fears". In other words, do not give your fears the power to take control. You are in charge. Accept them, but push yourself to overcome them. You should, at least, try.

  

    I, for one, love the unknown. It has a special halo... Portraits perfectly the meaning of freedom. REAL freedom! A wide range of choices and chances to do whatever you please. I have always been a fan of taking chances and of  the "Let's see what's coming next" concept. Or the "You never know what life has in store for you" kind of view. OK, I'm not going to step on a bomb mine and expect to live happily ever after. Still, you got the point.

    Once you go thru difficult times, still being able to stand tall after the storm has passed, you will also understand the meaning of "It can't get worse than that" statement. Then, what's the point in giving in to fears? What's the purpose of pulling back from any challenge you may encounter on your way? What's the valid reason for not trying to follow your dreams and achieve your most daring goals? I guess the answer should be "None". Give it a thought... It's like typing in the dark - the more you practice, the more experienced you become and don't mind if there is any light at all.

    The unknown brings the best out of you; it has a great power: makes you face challenges, in order to show what you are capable of, despite your ongoing lack of trust. And, with this, comes your choice in shifting gears and steering your own direction. You get stronger every single time, you take yet another step to meeting the fearless you. You finally open your eyes and understand its gift - if you have no challenge, you never grow. And you admit that growing contributes to building a genuine self-esteem. Then, self-confidence also becomes your friend. And, finally, you acknowledge the wonders of the unknown. 

    For me this is more than true! This is why I never fear heading another journey, even if by myself. Hope it's the same for all of you :) Whatever the case, the next time you see a closed door, don't just sit behind it in hopes it will open by itself and someone will ask you to come in. Open it! Give courage a chance to befriend you! 😊

    Love,

    A.

The bitch in me... Reflections, reflections...

   Inner battles are the hardest to recognize, in terms of acceptance. But, the real dwell begins once we acknowledge their existence, somewhere deep. Unfortunately, our reflections stop being easy to guess and we hardly see anything but an erased face; we are on the verge of anguish and we face our most feared enemy - us, in the position of decision making. That's when we choose to set it free. It: the monster, the bitch, the embodiment of negative power. That's the moment we allow it to torture our minds and steer our direction.

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                        (Thank God, part of it has already left me! Loosing it was the best thing that could have happened to me!)

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   There are people trying so hard to reveal the well-kept-in-a-vault bitch in me. Why? Why would you be so stubborn as to wish for unleashing it? I need to keep it locked, but you come begging me to release it. That bitch would be dragging you into the danger zone and chew on your heart. Do you really need this? I could easily take you there, but I fear for your safety. I wouldn't recommend reaching for its place. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.

    Its greatest cravings are spreading countless destroying vibes and let the dark rule over this soul of mine. Its food range is based on innuendos and lies (and the thing is very hungry now). Its strength is given by sucking up aggressiveness. When looking for it, bare in mind that it's been wandering free in the past. It's been been fed up for too long! And I've had some hard time capturing it!

    But, you know what? I ran out of this thing's menu. You will have to try harder, as I don't need this. I shall keep it in a cold dungeon, till it is willing enough to metamorphose into a fairy. And turn these challenges down, instead of confronting them. It wouldn't be able to cope with this for the time being. So, let it be. Let it struggle in those chains.

    I love people; I love peace of mind; I don't fancy a twisted life. I don't want to be a prisoner of this character any longer. Like in a story with villains and good guys, I wish to hand the trophy to the hero. I'm searching for light, not a black whole to be drawn towards. I need to keep that sweetie pie alive. Thus, I choose to walk away from whoever might be willing to feed the beast. Until I will be able to answer challenges with a smile... I want to see the entire reflection in my mirror! So, just let the ashes fall...

    Sofia Karlberg - Let it go

    Love,

    A.

Beautiful people, live strong!

    Beauty... A great concept, misunderstood by humans. No magazine will ever disclose the true meaning of it; no industry star will ever have that real glow; no 5 o'clock news will ever bring its true meaning upfront; neither will Google picture it. We are being dragged into doctrines and fake. We are suggested botoxed lips and bottoms, hair extensions, false eyelashes, pumped up silicone breasts and many more. Moreover, we will never be encouraged to be ourselves.

 
      Peruquois - Be yourself

    

    As I open my eyes to the world, I know: we have so many BEAUTIFUL people around us! People miles away, that we might have met only once in our lives (in flesh), but who keep safe a memory of few moments; people we didn't see for years, but still ask "How are you?"; people we just meet and immediately feel connected to, because of their shining soul; people lighting our day just as we give them a thought; people that hold our hand and, without any word, encourage us with a "Let's get that shine inside you emerging" look; people we can come undone to; people that we silently keep in a safe, closest to the core of our hearts; people who teach us how wonderful and strong we are and how amazing this world can be if we only allow ourselves to see; people who push us to bursting all that love for humanity; people whom we hope to have as companions as we step, our entire lives! People we would empty thousands of coffee cups with... These are the beautiful people, as I see them.

       People like these really exist! And I know so many! That's the gift of selection. You get to surround yourself with wonder. With the wonder of different types of relationships, leading to the same amazing feeling of falling in love. We mistakenly asses people in our lives and give the credit of "loved one" to that person we see as our soul mate only, highlighting the meaning of "my one and only". But you, my friend, can be my soul mate under any circumstances, if you choose to walk with me: either you are a childhood buddy, my boss, a fellow I just made acquaintances to or the one I eagerly desire to share my intimate life with. I can fall in love with you every single time. Again and again. Regardless of your skin color or religion! For you give tributes to my heart equally, with equity, each time you are true to yourself and to me. Please, never loose that spark! Don't step into the mud! Dare to do this to yourself, instead: Stay true! Show the truth in your eyes! This is what means to live strong!

    Using antithesis, people less beautiful will always be the ones dragging you down, the ones trying to damage the environment exposed above; the ones unable to move on and show respect to your decisions, once everything is over - be it job related, a broken friendship or a personal thing.

 

    We all know is a matter of choice. I may be as guilty as a child for this, but I choose the beautiful ones and the wonder they build! And thank them in the utmost sincere and genuine way: The Dramatics - Beautiful People

    Love,

    A.

 

 

 

Writing...

    I had many attempts to write before revealing it. But, somehow, each time I dropped it. I couldn't put my thoughts together. I used to write only in my most terrible moments. Nonetheless, I didn't see it the way I do now; I was unable to let it drive me; I didn't have the correct approach to its benefits. Now I understand the right moment for it has come. I just needed to wait... And I'm not going to let it slide again! Keeps my dreams alive...

    What is writing to me? Pure joy, the utmost cure, my complete relief. My writings know every little bit of me. All my down lows and all my attempts to be strong; my true self; all my likes, all crushes, my weak knees, trembling hands and pounding heart...all naked emotions; the spaces I would fill your name with; the things I dislike and all my anger, my frustrations and greatest wishes. My writings witness and wipe my tears, salute my happiness, expose my thorns and reveal my healing power; my most deeply buried things going on in my head; my views concerning everything around and beyond me and all of us. Whoever wants to know me, will definitely achieve that by reading my writings...

    Not every article should have a place in here. Some are just for me - anonymously embracing my lonely moments. Those will never be exposed. And I can't name a feeling to correctly enough describe what's within me when I write. It's that only thing (besides music - always music!) that helps me calm down. Whenever I feel the need to punch someone in the face (we're all human, after all) I pick up my phone and rather be on my own. Drawing letters on white rows... Designing a passion. 

    I will always endlessly thank to the one suggesting me I should go for witting. This did change me, in so many ways! Writing means life to me, now. I can trust it not displaying more than I am willing to hand; and it doesn't kill my heart, only makes it strong.  

    Christina Aguilera - Keep on singin' my song

    Love,

    A.

Rebel yell! The closed door.

    I am a rebel because I freely speak. I am a rebel for confronting without the fear of loosing. I am a rebel because I want peace of mind. Yes, I just labeled myself: I am a rebel and I'm proud of it. That's the only tag I will always wear! With my head up!

    Billy Idol - Rebel yell!

    People, a few simple questions: would you, as a parent, really be willing (actually eager) to close the door on your own only child? Would you really desire not seeing them any longer because your ego got hurt by... No valid reason? Would you really play kindergarten games and deny the other parent the right of seeing their child? Would you label your child with mental disorder because you can't take their different view over life? And because you've never been brave enough to face your own frustrations concerning life?

    Why on earth would you DO that? Where's your empathy? You shout out loud that you have a genuine know-how on empathy, but you do ALL THAT? What's wrong with this picture? Am I the only one seeing it? Where the hell did I put the label? WHAT have I labeled? If I have to, I will say I'm sorry. But I'm not. And I don't have to. What should I be sorry for? Not understanding how can a person do such thing? Do I really have to put up with this? Do I have to suck it up? Really? And you call yourself a human being!

     Why does the gap between generations have to be a crime? Why can't people just ACCEPT differences? Why do they have to fight over them? Why can't parents admit that they may have things to learn from their children? Why do children always have to apologize? Aren't parents imperfect human beings, with lessons to learn? Why don't you, parents, open your eyes? Why don't YOU ever apologize? There's more in this world than the doctrines you are used to. You call yourself an open minded person, but you can't even offer your kid a shoulder or unconditional hearing of their burdens. We don't always need a piece of advice or a solution. We can ask for it, you know? With this thing called "a mounth".

    You've closed that door too many times before. And I've had enough! You can even have it locked this time!

    Bob Marley - Babylon System

    Love,

    A.

Reboot mood

    How many times have you felt you're so damn drained that you can't even keep your eyes open? So tired you don't even wish to breathe? So unlikely able to think? I call this "brain on reboot mood". All you need is crash between those soft pillows... But you need to get home first. What a long way! Though you take some means of transportation, not walk. No! Walking would mean torture! And your legs would be stubborn, anyhow.

    Well? Ever felt like that? I believe you did, at least once in your life. The non-thinking stage. Yeah, that's me, few times a week. Usually 5 😁 . Well, in that state, you have that easy-to-label look. You yawn continuously, your eyes barely see the path and people think (perhaps, but I've heard it before): "She might be on crack!" It's actually funny, as you know you're just stoned with tiredness...

    However, remember the labels? Yeah, I don't care. I just want to open the door to my crib, throw my sneakers wherever, even on the ceiling (but the effort would be too much) and crash. Not waking up till morning. I don't even need a sip of water. I need SLEEP! 

    Why I am I still writing? Because I like to expose my thoughts. That's the whole point of all this. It may seem weird, but is relaxing. I get to focus on one thing only, so my mind is more free. I don't need to mind the people around me and they don't mind me. So, is this a win-win or what? I spend my quality time. Plus, I keep track of feelings/ events on the go. As they happen. Maybe I could also count my steps while writing? 😃

    The song in my ears now... Maroon 5 - She will be loved. Chilling... For reboot mood... I love their songs... Anyways, the good thing about long workdays? Traffic is always easy... And I get home quicker. I don't have to wait for a subway forever. Oh, and I have space! I can sit wherever, without being pushed by eager guys. What else? People are quiet (like I'd hear them, but still... There's no show put in place by some... well, show-off energetic guys). And I love peace and quiet. Especially when on reboot. Here's a nice tag...

    Hoooooome! Damn, I missed you... Uh, uh, there's my pillow! Now I can finally pull the shutters!

    Love,

    A.

No gravity

Linkin Park feat Kiiara - Heavy

    Human mind... Keeps amazing me every day!

    Why do we enjoy self-torture? Why do we, somehow, enjoy our misery? Is like enjoying that helpless feeling of exploring the void... Is a heavy feeling we actually enjoy. How we love that torment! There's something still pulling us to that state of mind, though we struggle to get it loose. But a song, a playlist triggers it... The image of tears, flashes of moments, words spoken, thoughts passing at a certain moment, feelings,  the flutter of a butterfly's wings... All these are trying hard to bring us down again. We think we have the proper approach of events, still we don't. We're keen on comforting ourselves with hurt. If their image is trying to fade, we hold onto it even tighter, we drag it and drop it into our souls once more.

Kiiara - Feels

    Days go by and we imagine we're getting over it. But is just a picture we impose. We love the landscape too much to actually let it go. Even when someone else drops into the picture, we can't see them. Or we do, but don't mind their outline, not even if drawn with a great height. By the time we are willing to see, they may already be erased from the background.

    Waiting... Patience... Willing... For what? For something killing us on the inside. For something that's not really there. We're not strong enough to take new chances. We keep on running in circles. Around the same ... "Can't escape the gravity (...) There's so much more than I can carry".

Love,

A.

Silent star

    Did you ever dream of singing? Or acting? Or dancing? In few words, being famous? Having all the glitter that industry stars display? Would you associate your own life with the entertainment industry? Would you sign a contract with the devil for fame?

    Well, I have. I dreamed of being a singer. Never trusted myself enough to go for it, though. And people around me were never paying too much attention to my passion to push me to it. (Maybe just my pissed-off neighbors...) I don't just sing in the shower... Actually, I never do that. I sing along with the tune, wherever I hear it. Usually, at home, with my laptop. But I, sometimes, find myself singing in the middle of the street. Well, I just walk and sing. But turn silent as soon as I meet someone. Anything weird? No, not at all :) It's just... I said it many times... I'm a music addict. And I will be till my last breath. Hope that moment will catch me with my headphones on 😄

    It's easy to spot me enjoying my passion to the fullest. I always have my ears covered by headsets. Even at my workplace. Fellows got used to me and gently tap my shoulder when they need me. Or make desperate signs in the air, in hopes my eyes will un-glue from the monitor and observe their call. Sometimes it works. Sometimes... I ignore...  For a few seconds. Whatever the circumstances, music keeps me company everywhere and 90% of my time. I just can't and won't give it up. For anything in the world! It brings my soul too much comfort. If it wasn't for music, I may have had no beat left in my body by now.

    You may have the will to say: "It's never too late." That's partially true. But if I am brave enough for anything else, I don't see myself in front of other people. Not singing. Not even talking to large groups. I go for small groups. Nonetheless, I guide my life by a (I think so) healthy principle: "Try everything, at least once in your life." This way, you'll never feel sorry your dreams never came true, without an attempt. So, who knows...? Never say never, right?

    People knowing me say I have the perfect profile for technical stuff. And yes, I do like it, as there's always something to solve, something to learn and you never have a chance to get bored. Nonetheless, my whole life is driven by all that's art. Either is music, painting, dancing, sculpturing, architecture, taking pictures or street art, acting, writing, hair styling, crafting... you name its shape... it's beauty to me. And I love my world being surrounded by it. In the background. No spotlights for me. I would be too clumsy. I'm a silent star... :)

    What's the dream you never took the chance to go for? Would you dare to leave it in a comment?

    Kiiara - Gold   I can't resist its beat!

    Love,

    A.

Walking in my own shoes. Labels, get off my back!

    We all know what labels are, right?! But how many of us know how to correctly use them? How many of us know when to place one and where? And why? Well, yes, this will be today's sensitive/ taboo topic.

    You see someone with changing moods. Now being strong and laughing, the next moment they can be crying the most miserable of their tears. You know a sparkle is enough; something to trigger a thought. The question is: do you or do you not label? Mental disorder! Pam-pam! A label! Commonly accepted tag.

    With labels comes my reluctance to society. Boxing everything is what drives me insane. Covering up what is obvious makes me want to live in the forest.

    Now, be true to yourselves and ask: why do we need labels? Actually, why do we have that urge of labeling everything? And acknowledge: do or do not labels placed on you bring you bitterness? If so, why do you keep on doing the same? Because society does? Because psychology does? Because you can't face your own thoughts and feel the need to follow a pattern? Quit being afraid. Admit your own and drive your own judgment. Based on what you believe, not based on what doctrines say. Based on your true feelings, not on imposed pictures. If you ask me, doctrines are wrong! People are afraid of the unknown, therefore they created this: the pattern. Easier to recognize, diminishing the unknown factor, thus acceptable.

    That higher governor - call it God, call it Universe, call it whatever you want - gave us a mind and the power to freely use it. Than why should we be that stubborn and fond of patterns? Are they really our true guidelines? Can't we just open our eyes and go for what we want? Without hurting others. Therefore, without labeling?

    Label me for this. I couldn't care less! I'm not going to label you for labeling me. But then, don't come asking me to accept the sticker you just placed on my back. Don't ask me to follow patterns, to join the masses. I will NEVER. I like walking in my own red shoes. I believe you should also go try if the ones you like fit you and start wearing them. Fearlessly! Daring to be yourself, bravely!

- Switchfoot - Dare you to move
- Paulo Nutini - Iron Sky
- Freedom Fry - Brave


    Love,

    A.

Race cars shifting gears...

    I'm no cars maniac. I know mostly nothing, in fact. But I know this: when you choose to shift gears, keep yourself on the track. Don't turn the weel, unless the road requires so. But always forward. No going backwards. Take your pick. Whatever you do, wherever you go. Once direction set, follow that road, faithfully. Just make sure you're content with your decision. Not satisfied, but convinced your flag will get reached, regardless the pit-stops. And don't delay. No longer than necessary.

    You're a race car. You need fuel, rest your engine and getting fixed, at times. But when you go again, make sure you straighten your chairs, fix those mirrors and keep your lights on. Always on! And a low-voice radio. Have your tires all pumped up. Don't allow yourself a flat. Especially if you have no first-aid kit and spares. Oh, and the tools to use the spares, if you own some.

    Always listen to the sound of your engine and quickly take on the signs. Prevent. Be aware. Remember: lights always on! Fix the scratches and paint the lines, now and then. Use that horn only when there's no choice left. Slow down a bit when the road takes a turn. Patiently wait for the lights to go green again. Allow small adjustments, for your own feasibility. Not for pleasing the other cars. They will only make way for you and follow, if you're confident enough to please yourself. Not them. Allow companions, if they would genuinely help you get to the finish line.

    When you need to cool down, open the windows. Half way. Let the fresh air fill in your space. Enjoy it. When it gets cold, close them. You will get warmer again.

    Make friends with the pitstop guy that always knows what you need to have fixed. He will be the one pointing you the shortest way and advise the appropriate speed to take. Trust them. They mean no harm, but have you all shining, like the moment you left the platform.

    Love,

    A.

Healers... Golden!

    You know what a healer is? Someone beautiful! A person that holds your hand through stormy weather, a person lifting your spirit exactly when you need it, someone who addresses you the right, comforting words at the right moment. I've only met one in my life so far! And I hope I'll meet more. Though they rarely show. But this one will always be special, for their unique golden heart. And no, is not the brilliant. He may be a healer... To others. To me? Someone far away, with no hidden agenda. Someone I can share whatever with. And remembers previously mentioned details. Someone who lets me cry if I need to. Someone who can make me smile. Or even laugh, when all I want to do is enjoy my miserable state of mind. Someone who is, stubbornly, searching for the bitch in me. It's just... Bitches won't reveal themselves to the healers.

    They read my writings, they know exactly who I am, they got to know me in the shortest time ever. They made me put my entire trust, open up without the fear of being betrayed. The healer... I will never be able to thank them enough.

    Why do I use "them", if is only one? Privacy. I value privacy. I value trust. I value and cherish every single second I share with them. Because this healer appreciates this. Listens and encourages. Fights beside me when I'm down. Gives me the power I need to get over my darkest times. It's as if they hear when I call for help! This healer made me write this in a time and within a time-frame I would have never imagined possible.

    Why are they this way? God knows! They love people, I guess. They love helping, I'm sure. They've had their rough moments and learned from them. Learned to value the light in someone. But pointing out the wrong. Gently and supportive.

    Another special place in my heart has been booked! So few left. This healer has earned all my respect. They are part of my tiny circle of trustworthy and loyal people. For life. I do hope one day I'll have their strength in guiding others, in being there exactly when needed. And hope I will give back at least half of what I constantly receive.

THANK YOU!

Love,

A

Practice what you preach...

    The brilliant chose his path - he did spread his wings and flew. Enjoying his freedom, following his little winged fellow. Someone says: "It's called life". Couldn't have stated it more clearly... !

     She saw him passing by... Inevitably, hurt rushed over her heart, due to his missing words. Neither did she have the power to greet him. Even if she could, she chose not to shoot angry bullets his way; she could never put him down, despite her own bleeding wound. So she went silent. Nevertheless, at that very moment, the red diamond understood: "It's time to practice what you preach!".  Letting go is damn painful. Time will pass till she will emerge from this, till she will be completely cured. She gets over the decision, not the brilliant (will she ever? He will always have the utmost special place there!).

     But she chooses to accept herself even more than before; she understands, once again, that happiness is inside and no one can provide it. She will put all her efforts in this! She wants to enjoy her own free time, take care of herself the best way she can, keep her shine and never talk with an extinguished voice again. Stand tall (yes, over again - as she's had enough of dark times in the past). She wants to see the beautiful life ahead of her. She is independent! She shines, she smiles, she can take any obstacle and turn it into opportunity; into a chance to throw a different light over life. And so will she. Her focus will be on everything she enjoys; she will definitely value her space. And she's got plenty now...

     It is, once again, a new beginning. A new dawn will bring new hopes, new dreams, new unique moments. She needs to give in to that habit she made her mind up to follow: rising. There's nothing holding her back now. She wants to dance in the middle of the street? She will. She wouldn't give a damn on strangers' look. She wants to walk a 100 miles instead of cursing, screaming or crying? She will. She wants to get stoned? Maybe...  Someday... Never say never! One thing is certain: she will follow and stay true to her healing passions! The whole time. She feels free when she builds. She will definitely grab that camera and shoot - she kept that hidden for too long. She can find joy in everything. So will she!  No more sorrow in her eyes. Just that amazing light that hypnotizes and spreads the good vibe. Starting this very instant!

    She has, however, one last message for the brilliant: "THANK YOU! For teaching me patience and bringing up the ultimate selfless feelings in me. Go on and light up the sky!"

    Credits:  Kesha - Learn To Learn Go -  Plus many more. Music is cure. 

    To all of you: Rise every day, if you have to!

    Love,

    A.

The red diamond and the brilliant. Friend zone?

     "How come you know it's true, but you still keep on lying to yourself? You seem to pull yourself back on purpose. Not everybody is the same, you know? Are we friends or foes?"

    That's what's going on in the friend zone. They feel for each other, but one of them keeps the distance more than the other. That one just wouldn't be willing to break that barrier! Afraid of not measuring up,  afraid of failing the other's expectations, afraid of tearing down their freaking walls.

    They're good friends and would hate loosing this. Friendship means trust, crossing that line would bring deceit. Going back to being friends, if things go wrong, is rarely an option. At least that's the overview, the commonly accepted picture.  That one is a stubborn one! They both value this stage, they both went through rough times and previous hurt; one of them is stronger and faces the facts. This girl is on fire. Ah, this reminds me of an amazing song :) "(...) She's on top of the world (...)".

Alicia Keys - Girl On Fire

     She's a red diamond, he's a brilliant. But none of them realizes yet. She shines bright in a shapeless world, though not looking for the spotlight on purpose; he's already a lonely star, lighting the way for others. He's looking for his own path, trying hard to understand and accept, she sees his light trace from billions miles way.  They're both struggling in their own battle for not being exposed in a dangerous manner, but they wouldn't join forces for a common goal. They would make an extraordinary jewel together; they just won't - both - realize that yet...

     

     One day, a beautiful butterfly set his rest place near the brilliant. He was just sitting and gazing at his new little winged companion. His eyes would sparkle brighter then ever before. He was craving for the freedom this little guy had.

    Then did she realise: her feelings will never be stronger than his will and she can't fight this... She took a deep breath, encouraged herself with an "I need to do this" and she whispered with an extinguished voice:   Mariah Carey - Butterfly

    Than she watched... And thought: "Meet me in a few years time from now..."

Love,

A.

Fall & rise... Habits

    Please allow me, as a starting point, to share with you the song that has lead to this writing. The link below will take you there. Don't worry, no viruses included - they would require a paycheck and I'm not willing to take bribe:)

Rebelution - Good vibes

    You can make a habit out of anything. Even out of the decision of rising each time you get hit. Once you get accustomed to this, you will know that touching the bottom again is an option no longer available to you. So, DARE! Stand tall and do it! Take the pick. Associate it with a change a look, if that's what's required. You'll feel amazing! And you'll be proud of yourself seeing you can do it each time. Yes, be proud. The credit is all on you. You alone! Be happy about it. No one will ever take that away from you. You built it and you own it. No power loans, no people to stab you in the back for helping. (I'm sure you will never use auto-sabotage.) And when blue takes over, think about your power. People, this is YOUR inner strength. And, God, isn't it endless?! Just let it show up. It will never leave you again.

    Observe the look in the eyes of people passing by and meeting your "nothing-can-put-me-down" attitude. You WILL get that "weirdo look" because people get frustrated by a fragile body with a strong look. Don't you care! They silently envy you for it and for the fact that they did not find their own way of getting there. You know what? You will even hear mean gossip (maybe), but focus on the people who admire you. You'll find out that, without you even being aware of it, your message builds a small community around you. You're spreading good vibes and people get attracted to it! Enjoy it, but don't get arrogant. That's what is actually happening, at this moment, to me. People greet my strength of being genuine and fearless. Should I brag about it? No, I don't, as I am aware of the efforts I had to take to get here; I know the moments I had to go through for reaching this state of mind (and I'm not complaining; I'm being grateful to everyone that pushed me here). I'm not looking for the spotlight, people. This is just sharing my happiness with you; and making you aware of what's coming next for each and every one of you, once you build that strength.

    Remember that your mind is the utmost priceless tool in your service. It grows stronger with each fall-rise episode. Just an advice, if I may: keep hatred away whenever you rise. If you choose to be strong, hatred should find no shelter there; it hurts YOU, not the one you point it to! Also, stay the same good-will person you were before getting hurt, stabbed, ruined... You name it. Respect people around you, because this habit slowly gets extinguished with each passing day. (Mutual respect is stronger than love, dear reader); understand that everyone has the right to speak their minds, but if it's mean, reject it; don't let damaging words reach your mind. There's a saying: "Move on and let karma do your dirty work" :) Be wise. You know the wheel rolls even if it's square. But don't wish for it. Just know it.

     As boring you is not my purpose, neither is preaching, I will sincerely THANK YOU ALL for reading my writings and hope you will be as strong as I wish you will! And as I know YOU CAN be!

    Love,

    A.

   

I am... Ask me...

     I am INFJ, not a two-faced person - traits do not exclude one another; they are complementary; I am loyal; I take no fake; I display no fake and I do not seek for approval; I think clearly; I answer my own questions based on facts, not on windy words; I hate lies; I feel; I suffer; tears burst and then dry on my eyelashes; I fall; I get tired; I rise once again, over and over; I am curious; I learn; I put all efforts in understanding and creating; I am friendly, but I shut away from people to recharge and rebuild my self esteem; I need space; I value yours; I offer support; I lift you up; I can put you down; I am trustworthy; I give all my trust (once I consider you've earned it) and I cut it on the go (if applicable); I forgive, but walk away when I've had enough; I have dreams; I have wishes; my accomplishments are driven by pure passion; I use rocks to build and I maintain; I am a bitch; I am a sweetie pie; I display a true smile, but I can also hurt you with the look in my eyes (no words needed); I speak my mind; I believe and my opinion seldomly changes over what I hear; I make you feel uncomfortable with my questions; I provide straightforward answers; I consider advice and analyse them on all faces; I advise, if asked; I make mistakes; I take all responsibility and try to fix my wrongs; I never give up from the first lost round; I put everything on the table and I'm not afraid of being labeled; I am brave enough to dangerously be honest; I am strong, but I have my weaknesses. I smoke, but I rarely sip beverages; I love red, I sing and I am a music addict. I am HUMAN and I just came undone in front of you. I am exposed, but not vulnerable.

     So STOP thinking you know what I think about you; STOP cluttering words into my mouth; STOP pointing your poisoness arrows to me. I defend myself, I speak up for myself, I sustain my thoughts with reasons. People who don't see that have their eyes wide shut! I can't do anything to open their eyes. After several attempts of explaining myself (though I should quit doing this), I will have a shield built around me and your arrows would have no choice but finding a different target.

      You want to know what I think of you? Why I have that opinion? What drives my convictions? You have two feet and a mouth - use them. Get up and come ask ME. I'll take off my headsets and listen to you; If I don't have an answer, I'll look for it. And be sure you will get a genuine one. Before drawing your way to me, however, make sure you are ready to take my answer; and PLEASE, do not fake acceptance of it; provide counter arguments, with a background. Gossip hurts yourself, not the one you talk about - filter what you hear; assuming hurts you, not me; truth may be hard to take, but is always better than a shallow opinion.

     I know people are, at times, afraid of approaching me. Nevertheless, I'm no wonder woman and I attend no training for becoming one. I don't have a hidden bazooka, ready to be used on whomever would have the desire of knowing me; I don't move mountains, but I can take you to them; I can't physically reach the sky, but my mind is wide open to all that's new. So, STOP throwing the wrong light over your own self and over me.

    Welcome to my mind! You have just met the real me. Give me your hand and let's make acquaintances. Just remember to leave that mask aside! Bring a coffee instead...

    Love,

    A.

Broken wing...

     A bird is free to fly, no one can hold it back from its path. And so are you... Whether you're a canary or an eagle, never allow anyone put you in a golden cage! Apologize if you've done wrong and fly away. Same goes for others. Don't you ever expect them to step by themselves in a cage they don't wish for as a home. In fact, never expect anything form anyone. In this way, you'll never, ever be disappointed and will never get hurt. You'll never have your wings clipped by a crashed dream; by a broken wish.

    If anyone hurts your feeling and expectations, NEVER point the gun to their head. Cease any attempt of hurting them back. If your wings got hurt because of your expectations and hopes, don't blame them. Don't blame yourself either, even though you've opened up till it cut your soul. Just accept the facts and move on. "Some things cannot be changed" someone once told me. Truth has been spoken!

     I know the first thing that comes to your mind is to make them feel just the way you do. But what's the point? Will seeing them hurt make you feel any better? Maybe on the spot. But you'll be sorry later on. So, don't do it! Don't turn all your frustrations against them. Don't throw empty words because you're miserable. Think it through and take a wise step. Be deceived if you can't control it, but because of your perception, not because of the actual facts.

     Moving on is painful. Embrace the pain and trust that it will, someday, go away. Deception will step aside as well. At some point.

     Go to your best friend and ask for cure - music is the best help you'll ever get! It will never let you down. Search for that playlist that has always helped you go through all the necessary stages, but in the end lifted you up. Force yourself! You're the only one that can help you. Be silent and don't go running for gossip. This is something you need to face alone. So be alone!

     I won't advise to focus on something else, because you won't be able to. Remember that blue moments are part of our lives. Let them take you over. Let that knife sleep through your fingers, down to the ground. You're not doing anyone any good if you use it. Not even yourself. Share bitter tears if they fall. They will dry. And you'll be strong enough to lift your eyes from the ground and smile. Even to them. And thank them for the lesson...

     Heal yourself! Put the hurt away, when you can. But never regret your feelings! Some things cannot be changed and there are things never to be sorry for...

Love,

A.

Dreams

    Dreams are so damn hard to handle sometimes... You just watch and see nothing at all... You walk and don't feel the steps you take... You breathe, but there's no air... Everything is just heavy... Damn, is heavy! All you think about is that dream...

    And you can't (or won't) wake up. Everything surrounding you is trying to send you signals you need to open your eyes and get anchored in reality. But you choose to go even deeper into your own little world. It's warm in there. You could spend your entire life there. Why bother facing hurt, when you can surrender to your passion? That passion makes you happy, afterall. In what way? For how long? Could be eternally, if that's your choice. I know, it's all a matter of choice. Said it before and I stand up for it. But I also support chasing your dreams you're pointed to by your passion.

     Chasing... Burdensome process... But you build as you chase. You place a stone with each step. Is a creation process, yes. And, if you remember, "The creation process is incredible". Keeps the distance you need away from people, provides you that space you so eagerly aim for.

    So, dream big and chase till the end. Till you have it all built up. Or completely crashed. If one dream crashes and can't be restored,   rise up and find another. NEVER give up! Be friends with your desires, passionately create a dream around them, chase and feel free! Find out how much truth is there in the saying: "If you can dream it, you can DO it!"... Choose you're most comfortable shoes, add a pinch of COURAGE and GO!

Love,

A.